I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
bring money and cleavage
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
