thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
