I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
