I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So many bounce houses so little time
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
