today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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