So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
