Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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