Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
