I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
