it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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