I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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