She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
