My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
