smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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