i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
