How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
