I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
