I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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