Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
