He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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