I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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