her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
