i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
