M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
