Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
