what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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