ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
