Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
