What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
