He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sorry my hands just texted you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
