Is it normal to miss your booty call?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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