White coat. Heels.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
