I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
