I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
