Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
