Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
