I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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