Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
