When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
