We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
