Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
