It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
