whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
