I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
