I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
