Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
