I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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