What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
