tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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