On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
