cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
