Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize