there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
