Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she woke up with a sticky ear
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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