Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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