They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
