I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
