this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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