If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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