So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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