Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
