Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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