i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
