i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
