no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My balls are so social today.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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