We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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