Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
