We're like a lot better than the average bears
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
