I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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