Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
