I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
