he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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